Have and Have Not

It's a weirdly halfway life we live. We are born again, yet we are dead to sin. Alive, yet dead.

We live in the Kingdom that is NOW, yet....is to come. (courtesy of my friend)

We long to set up our little "kingdoms" here...precious friendships, precious children, precious homes...

      Yet, we are called not to set our hearts on earthly things.

Heaven is written on our hearts. Yet, we must die to ourselves & our desires.

**Warning** Complaining ahead:

I want to go on vacation. SO BADLY. I can't remember having a summer so unfulfilling, honestly. Ben has been working SO SO SO SO SO SO many days. We have had one Saturday plus Sunday together without going into work ---ONE SOLITARY 2-DAY WEEKEND in the last 7 weeks.

Lately, he has been doing his 2 week tour, so he has had the car every day for 2 weeks. I have resultingly been at home all day long for 2 weeks...except a family/evening outing (quick) a night here and there.

Upside: Grace got potty-trained.
Also Upside: I have spent very little money.

STILL

Not a day goes by I don't look for vacation spots.......preferences? Sand. Water. Sun. Someone else doing the cooking & cleaning.

IT IS SO FREAKIN EXPENSIVE. One overnight at Great Wolf Lodge is like, $500 (including meals). Don't you dare try to argue with me. It seriously would cost our family that much to do it.

Bah. I would settle right now for just a massage & pedicure and one whole day without my kids. I can't even get a sitter for 2 hours in the morning.

It's not that I don't love my kids. It's just that I am weak, and over-commited such that I'm an awful mom, and I can't stand to see myself around my children after a while. I hate seeing myself fail so terribly. So ......if I take myself out of the equation, I'm not such a bad Mom if I'm not a "mom' for a day, right?

Yeah.

So.......this is my gripe letter to the world tonight. I bet if you googled "discontented mom" you would find a 100,000,000 other blog posts exactly like mine.

What's the solution, World?

My heart and my flesh may (will) fail. But the Lord is my portion forever.

Also, I'm looking into this with Greatest Hope:

.....a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

      And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” Then He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost. “He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.