Saturday, August 2, 2014

Blogging in Your Thirties

It's not like when I was in my twenties, that's for sure. I blogged the heck out of both my pregnancies....and here I am on number 2 post of this one.

I'm 27 weeks, now. I feel pretty good, though tired a lot. That is a new thing for me, I'm not usually a tired Preggo. But I've not had time to exercise this time. I'm working 2 part time jobs, and we are actually pulling in a decent income between the piano teaching business (22 students) and the worship director position at church. Ben was able to resign from the property maintenance job he'd had for 9 months....that he did on weekends. It was a killer of family time, that's for sure. Now he has time on weekends to hang out with us. :)

I have had 2 ultrasounds with my midwife (her machine is pretty old....) and one fuzzily revealed girl parts, and the other one thoroughly cast doubts on that. So I'm still unsure of the gender of number Three. I have a radiologist appointment Monday to get a full screening, possibly 3-D of this child, so we'll know for sure.

So, the facts are thus: I have become pretty successful, as I mentioned, as an income-earner, while still maintaining Motherhood. I teach 3-5 hours every afternoon through dinner hour four days a week. During the mornings of those days, I do housework, plan on doing school with the girls in September  during those mornings....and get meal planning and all those Mom things done. I also occasionally fit in a bible study/discipleship thing, or visit a friend. Then my last weekday, Friday, is spent working at church on worship music. At 4pm I come home, teach a group class, then have dinner and head back over to church for rehearsal.

The underlying facts: I get really, really tired. I miss my kids. I miss feeling like a successful mom. I fear I will struggle breast-feeding number three because of so much work. I battle discontentment because, though we are "making it" we don't have any spare cash lying around to finish up our house projects. (Remember we built this house two years ago?) I don't have time to exercise like I used to, so I struggle feeling unhealthy and sleeping poorly at night. This morning at 3:00 am I got up and went running up and down the stairs for some cardio. I felt better. But still couldn't get back to sleep. I buy freezer meals so Ben can cook while finishing up college projects and watching the girls. That feels like Nutrition failure.

The growth part: because pain and discomfort under God's watch-care always involves growth, I know that this has been a year of great growth for me. I took the Enneagram a year ago, which is a personality-type test, though more spiritually oriented than most, and for a Christian, helps reveal and diagnose your Dark Side. It has been tremendously helpful in showing me parts of myself that were hidden, carefully groomed, and mistakenly thought of as Good and Acceptable. It has given me months of opportunities to submit myself to the Holy Spirit rather than walk about blindly thinking I'm in the right. In addition, we have been growing as a church....particularly in our small group, and it has been so wonderful to watch that and look forward to this Body of Christ meeting in our town every week.

I want to blog on the enneagram at some future point. I highly recommend it as a tool for spiritual growth. There are a lot of copy tests out there that are harder to use, but the one to look for is on the enneagram institute website and costs $10 to take. You get a lot of resources for the price, though, like daily emails that help your Type (I'm a Type One--there are 9 total) to diagnose and grow. Also, you get a resource for helping you understand your spouse's type, and how your two together work for and against each other.

Anyhow. A new song from Stuart Townend has been on my mind......because we've come through a difficult year filled with struggle, but we are at a point of health and growth in the Spirit that has allowed us to see the Great Good that God has poured on us in spite of our Hardship.

"An Altar of Remembrance"
(Ben said we should build one in our yard as a the old Ebeneezer of the bible....just a pile of stones for nothing but Remembering. God is good.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there! Life just seems to be THAT way... we roll from one life event to another. Our life has sure been that way for years now. It's been a super hard year for us too and we feel like we are finally starting to go down the hill on the other side - once we get moved!
    But what will be next? I can see how God is continually using each event to grow us more and more... but it's SO hard! I love the song "Never Once" by One Sonic Republic - I'd cry listening to it last year and this year, at this point, I listen to it and remember how good God is and how He HAS been there with us through it all!

    Thanks for posting, try to stay in touch - Love you Much - Blessings!!